Written by Miss January 2014 Stefany Thode
Since I last chatted with you, I have had some very, very hard days. These are days that will forever live in my heart, as Jemma’s mommy, because they signify events that nearly took her from me.
The 11th of January was the day we nearly lost her. The day I was told my baby had coded on the table and they weren’t sure she would make it.
The 16th of January is the day that I had to watch my baby girl get bag resuscitated because her ventilator would not work properly.
There were days that her chest tubes stopped functioning. She needed new IV access and had to get a PICC line. She showed signs of infection and we all panicked.
But, each day also had a positive. I made sure to find a positive in every day even if it was that she had wet diapers and her kidneys were working. That positive kept me going day to day. Each day after the 16th showed me a little bit that my baby was there. She grabbed my hand on a paralytic “vacation” one day, she opened her eyes another. She changed ventilators and I was able to lay in bed with her again.
It’s kind of ironic that I wasn’t able to get the post up on the site yesterday due to Jemma being sick. It was rough seeing her so ill (flu) and it brought back some memories I would have rather left hidden deep. But, you know what? I am able to say today that my baby fought that flu and she is doing better. Yesterday was a day I was in constant fear that her fever would be something we would have to take her to the hospital for. Today, she is showing me that she is okay and that she is the fighter I know her to be.
Today, I am starting to breathe again. I am starting to trust that Jemma will be okay. It is a long road for my brain and heart to meet and understand together. It will be years before we know how one month last year will affect Jemma for her lifetime. But, I am starting to see that she is Jemma… not the sick baby she was last year but the vibrant, fun, sweet little girl I see every day. I am so thankful for that sweet little girl that drives me crazy on a daily basis. So, while Jemma’s 2 year old tantrums start to grate on my nerves, I am going to remember how blessed I am. Because I am so, so blessed.